Conclusion

So, I understand why she was pissed at me for the last week. Remember my last post? Well, yesterday she told me that she kinda saw it as a booty call, only a little less bad, because we've both drawn lines we won't cross at necking. I hadn't thought of it that way at all, and I was completely taken aback when she told me that was the problem. (I mean, I just told her I missed her, and she suggested she meet me somewhere, so I assumed she'd be fine with the lateness of the hour. I did accept her offer, so that makes it all my fault somehow.) All last week I'd been feeling like I was being stabbed in the heart every 20 seconds. I figured that she probably hated me. Not quite, but for some reason, asking her what I did wrong made her angrier at me. I went into a state of emotional shutdown for a couple hours, starting just before she told me about it. At some point, I felt like gravity was going two different directions than normal, and my hips were being pulled left while my head, shoulders, and feet went the other direction. It was a strange sensation considering that there was nothing in the way of drugs or even pain medication in my system that could have had that effect, because there were no drugs or medications of any kind in my body. At some point, my emotions rebooted. I think it was about 11:45 p.m. when that happened. I had somehow succeeded in keeping my emotions completely out of the picture for a few hours. I'm not entirely sure it helped, but I think it did. Then I had a weird dream. I'm pretty sure that at the beginning of the dream, my family was downstairs and my older brother climbed into the ceiling. I don't know why. Then, a while later, my now ex girlfriend came over and hung out with my family and me for the evening. We were just friends, and nothing happened. We didn't even hold hands, and it was okay. It was kinda reassuring that everything would be okay. I guess it gave me closure. I told her about it, and I told her that I was okay with not being together. I'm sure I'll miss it sometimes, but in one night's dream, I went from loving her with all my heart to loving her like a sister (granted, an attractive sister, but not someone to pursue). It was fun and/or extremely intense and/or very painful all at the same time. I suppose that's kinda typical for a summer romance, but I'm not too sure. Oh well, there are many fish in the sea, as the saying goes. I hope I find another like her someday, but perhaps with a little less fear, and a little more love.